Anxiety – Why You Never Want to Try to Stop Anxiety

Just received an email from one of my online coaching students.  We are on a break right now till April, so I’ll be posting the answers to questions for my students.

Question from a workshop student:
I have been using the “finger touch anchor” you taught us, it was working great for creating a calm state for a few months.

But lately when I try to use the technique it doesn’t work. I’m touching my fingers together just like you showed us, but my anxiety doesn’t stop, I’m not getting the change I was hoping for.

Is it the same thing as “trying” to do something, when I hope the technique will work? I know you told us not to “try” to do an exercise or technique. I even wrote down what you said, “Just do the exercise and see what happens, don’t try to make anything happen”. So what can I do to change what I’m doing so the techniques work again?

I’m think that I’m having trouble understanding what it meant by not “trying” to do something.  In my mind there are very rare times when I just “do.”  Most of the time I’m trying to crochet, or sew, or cook.  I believe it has something to do with my . ex-friend telling me “you’re not trying hard enough”

Answer:
Dear C.,

This is a just a quick answer to a complex question.  Hope it helps for now.

And as to what your x-friend said to you,  “that you weren’t trying hard enough”.  My response to that is: How would s/he know what you were doing or not doing.  I’ve worked with you and I know that you are an amazing, creative person.   Think back on the changes you have already made over the last months on our coaching calls.

When a person has anxiety, it has nothing to do with how hard they are trying to get rid of it.  It has more to do with learning what will work best to take the anxiety down. We will continue to release the old junk that has been triggering your anxiety and panic.

“Trying” to do a technique typically will make anxiety go up. For this to work best you don’t have to  “work so hard.”  Instead perhaps use the technique and be curious about what changes or doesn’t.

Some more insights:

The interesting thing is that when you ARE cooking, crocheting or sewing you are DOING not TRYING.  That is why you find a cooked meal, or a finished sewing project. If you were just trying you wouldn’t find a finished project.

To TRY means you aren’t actually doing.

I know it seems to be a  play on words but it is more than that. When you “try” to bring up a good memory and it doesn’t happen,  it is possible that it is because you are trying to make the technique work.

1. Instead just touch your fingers and seeing what happens. (remember the touch anchor that we set up in the coaching session)
2. Once an anchor is set, if it doesn’t seem strong enough we can always add a “stacking” technique to make the anchor stronger.

There are a number of reasons that a technique stops working.

1. Trying to make it work.
2. It might be that you need to set a stronger “anchor” for the issue you are working on.
3. Or there may be deeper issues that need to be released first.

What you can do now:
* Remember:
     Stay curious instead of trying to make it happen.
     The unconscious part of your mind has amazing resources just waiting       for you to tap into.
    * Use the anchoring tool and notice the changes. 
    * Follow the Action Plan that is included for the written directions. 
    * Remember to stay curious instead of trying to make it happen.

 If you are reading this article and want more information the full course on setting a touch anchor it can be purchased by clicking here: For the finger touch anchor tool. 
* Use the anchoring tool and notice the changes. 
* Follow the Action Plan that is included for the written directions. 
* Remember to stay curious instead of trying to make it happen.

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