In my last article I shared a note I wrote to my dad when he was grieving and suffering the passing of a loved one. In this article I’m sharing some other thoughts about my dad, my philosophy and about using the mind to relieve some of the sadness of loss. I’ve also included a few ideas on 10 Ways to Free The Mind from Grief.
My dad had a very curious mind and liked to look at life from many different angles. Since I grew up looking for different ways to see things it seemed natural for me to be curious about the mind and how it works . And I believe having curiosity is a great gift we can all give to ourselves.
When most people grieve they are not looking for information about how the body works. But knowing my dad and his value on being curious and learning, I felt that even in the middle of grief, he would be able be curious about what I was writing about. I knew he kept replaying the last 7 years of the pain of watching someone he loved going in and out of hospitals, feeling helpless to stop her pain. And that was adding to his grief.
I asked him to look it over a chapter for a book I was writing. One of the fun things about my dad was that he liked to help others, so I knew he would be interested in adding his words of wisdom to what I had written. And my hope was that in reading and editing my words some of it might strike a cord and be of help to him as well.
Below is an excerpt of what I sent my dad he added his own words of wisdom for others. At the end of this article, I added another note I sent to my dad, if you care to read it.
On Grieving:
It’s alright to grieve, for as long as you need to.
It’s understandable to feel angry, lonely and sad.
Yet, I wondering if there might be
some way to lighten the load somewhat.
If possible stop just for a few moments every day
to spend a moment in thoughts of happier moments.
For just a few seconds when the sadness seems to be overtaking –
push the brain in a different lighter direction,
just for a moment or two.
The painful part of life has already been lived,
there was so much pain that is a truth.
Yet those memories are no longer serving a positive purpose,
the one you love was so much more than the pain and sickness.
10 Ways to Free the Mind from Grief
Know that:
1. The body is a complex living system, every part affects every other part.
2. Your thoughts create physical reactions, such as the churning in your stomach after a particularly traumatic memory.
3. Even a quick thought can generate a physical reaction in the body. Just thinking about a fun vacation, remembering a boat trip in the blue lagoon in Italy, can bring a smile to your face. Even though it was many years ago the memory creates a reaction, a vibration as if it were happening in the present.
4. What you think impacts the chemicals moving through your body. The way a you think can lead to healing ones, or uncomfortable ones.
a. Emotions are brought on by the thoughts and pictures we create.
b. Thoughts and images have force and energy .
c. There is an energy created by images and thoughts.
d. Our thoughts (positive or negative) have an impact on the mind.
5. Where we put our mind will determine how we feel: Our thoughts are like a magnet that will attract other similar thoughts and memories.
6. Painful thoughts will attract similar memories of pain and sadness.
7. We can change our thoughts.
8. Peaceful thoughts and images will attract other memories and feelings of peace and balance.
9. No matter what is going on in life, we can learn to be in command of our thoughts. It takes practice one little step a day on changing the focus of our thoughts.
10. Even when there are stressors and events outside of our control, we can use curiosity to send out thoughts in a way that will have a positive impact. That is why different people will have different feelings about the same event. It’s all about how we interpret events the filters we look through.
Rest of the note I sent to my Dad:
I know that much of what I’ve written in my books came from what you have taught me. You have used this expansive, curious thought process many times as I was growing up. Your take on things uplifted my spirits as well. I remember the time you went to pick up the wig after chemo had it devastating effect. You took what might have been a sad moment and looked at it with a positive lens. You told me how the caring the salesperson was, how it felt to be treated like a family member, who really mattered. You came back from that appointment feeling uplifted, even though the situation was a difficult one.
I know how you have used your mind in a positive way through out my growing up years. So, I’m not sending you the discussion on creating the deep change, by clearing out old limiting beliefs and repressed emotions. You know how I work with my clients, doing deep change work. Helping them to release old sad memories and trauma. But that might not be necessary to get some relief from your grief and sadness. You can make changes using your own thoughts. Use positive ones to re-program the way your mind works. Please come back to the curious person you are, maybe just experiment a moment in the day by looking for something in the present to find joy in.
So I leave you with this to think about, I know you have already created a path of positive memories, so this is just a gentle nudge in to use your mind in this time a recovery. With all my love. Audrey