Relief from Worry and Fear
The following are some questions that people have sent me about worry. For each I’ve given some answers and short tips
Question 1. Are some people more prone to worrying than others?
Answer from Audrey: Yes, it is true that some people are more prone to worrying than others. And, there are many reasons for this. An event or situation that hardly creates a ripple in one person’s life can create complete overwhelm for another.
The reason that people react differently is because of the beliefs that are formed in childhood. The beliefs become the filters for how we interpret what is going on in our life.
Your past experiences will influence how you interpret and react to present day situations. If you have learned that the world is a safe place, or that you have power to create what you want, then the past will affect you in a positive way.
But, for most people the past also contains events where we felt powerless. Times where it wasn’t safe to speak out, and times when we had not control over what was happening.
Question 2. Is worrying ever a good thing? Some of us are very talented at it!
First let’s look at a positive purpose of worry. Despite all the negative feelings attached to it, worry can serve a positive function when it prepares you for possible future difficulties. It can alert you to things that need to be taken care of, or of consequences of certain actions. Worry can keep you watchful for symptoms that indicate a possible life-threatening problem, or it can motivate you to take positive action to improve the quality of your life.
When worry is a fleeting feeling of concern, it is a natural part of living and relationships.
However, once you have done everything in your power to anticipate and prepare for possible future problems, worry ceases to serve a positive function. When your thoughts cycle into negative, scary future possibilities about things that are outside of your control, then it is time to learn techniques to stop worry from putting another hardship in your life.
Question 3. What if I really believe that the thoughts I have might come true in the future. Is there anything I can do about that?
Both the positive and negative thoughts you create about an upcoming future event are fictional. The problem is your unconscious mind will believe whatever you create. If you create a possible future happening that includes scary images, feeling and thoughts these will trigger you unconscious mind to get you ready for this scary event. The chemicals needed to flight or flee will begin to move through your body. This in turn will create more worry, even though the negative outcome might never happen, the unconscious mind nevertheless accepts what you imagine as if it is already happening. And you react with fear in the present moment to something that hasn’t even happened.
In just the same way, when you create positive thoughts, the unconscious mind will also accepts them as true. Leaning to do this is a skill that can be learned. It a skills that will connects you to creative solutions and the calm needed to open to the mind to positive possibilities.
Positive and negative thoughts both spring from the same place: your imagination. They are simply stories. And you can learn to have the power of your own mind. You can start with the two-for-one exercise. It will get you on the path for choosing images and feelings that can serve you in a positive way.
Can you give me any easy to use techniques for stopping my mind from racing with worry?
There are many different exercises that I use to stop worry. Click here for a great article on this subject.
Question 4. Why do you say there are three parts to stopping worry?
There are many different techniques that can be used to stop worry Choosing the most effective type of tool will depend on which part of the worry/stress cycle is at the root of the problem.
1. Cognitive part of your stress relief program:
Many times the cycle of worry starts with the thoughts we have. For these we use techniques that convert negative thoughts to positive enhancing ones. One tool that is very effective in the cognitive part of the stress relief program is called the 2-for-1 technique.
2. Physical part of the stress relief program:
Uses the body-mind connection to quiet the body. As the body quiets down different chemicals are released into the blood stream which then quiets the mind.
3. Emotional part of the stress relief program:
Uses hypnotic and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) techniques to get to the underlying feelings, beliefs and stuffed emotions that trigger our perceptions and responses.
In my 30+ years as director and hypnotherapist at the Anxiety Control Center I have created a system that give us a way to change the underlying programs that trigger worry and fear. These are the same fears that actually cause procrastination. The program I developed is called the Transformation System. And it uses the 3-part approach of cognitive, behavioral and emotional tools that are vital for get lasting changes in unwanted reactions.
Some of the tools and techniques are used to change unwanted thoughts (cognitive skills). There are tools that go deeper (emotional release tools) by opening the door to the unconscious part of the mind where you can reprogram beliefs that get in your way. And there are physical (or mind-body) techniques that stop the cycle of worry and fear by calming the body and mind.
Question 5. It sounds too good to be true that I could actually change the program that causes worry. Would you give some examples of real people who used solved problems with your Transformation System.
The first part of you statement is understandable. Especially if you have been struggling to change unwanted reactions using just conscious mind techniques (these are usually referred to as cognitive/behavioral therapy). The reason it seems so impossible is that when a person reacts with worry, it is not just the present day situation they are reacting to. It is actually an entire chain of events and emotions brought from the past into the present day event. For most people this chain that causes the unwanted reaction goes all the way back to childhood events.
In childhood you formed beliefs about yourself. These beliefs continue to run in adulthood. For example some children grow up to believe they are good sports, or are smart. Whereas others might form a belief that they are not capable, or that they can’t do things right enough. Guess which belief will cause more worry.
Every child develops patterns and coping techniques that helped deal with the stress life brings. Many of the patterns and beliefs serve a positive purpose at the time they were formed, but when they are limiting you in the present they are no longer serving the purpose.
I had a client who had a belief that was causing here a lot of distress. She truly believed that if she didn’t worry something bad would happen. She had many experiences in childhood where it wasn’t safe to just be a child. Therefore she learned that running every possible negative possibility would help her to be safe. In order to change her worry pattern we needed to go back to the root of this belief. To do this we used a light state of trance where she was able to be a support to her younger child self. Once we healed the wounds she found she also let go of many of the stuffed emotions from childhood. Then she was easily able to change the old habit of negative thinking. For years she had tried positive mantras, tried to change her scary thoughts, but until we released the chain of emotions she felt frustrated, which added to her distress. (add link to testimonials
Another one of my clients had a belief that worry was the way a person showed love. This was the way she showed she cared about her children. But her children were rebelling against her constant worry, and possible negative consequences she predicted. As you can see until she was able to form a new belief (on the unconscious level) about how to care about those she loved, worry would continue, no matter her intentions on a conscious level.
As an adult, she found herself consumed with worry. Even though the circumstances of her childhood had changed the thought pattern hadn’t. Now, instead of protecting her from harm, worry was actually disabling her and getting in the way of her relationship with her children.
Fortunately, it is possible to adjust the thought patterns and beliefs. When we open the doorway to the unconscious mind it is possible to change the programs that cause unnecessary worry, fear, anxiety and overwhelm. My clients have changed old programs and thought patterns at the root from which they spring. And you can learn to use these tools too. To see some of the tools I use click here.
Remember your past experiences will determine how you filter information, and these experiences will also determine how you interpret events.
Question 6. What’s your best piece of advice for parents of children with special needs? Or what I’m asking is how about real life unchangeable worries?
It is true that parents of special needs children have many stressors, ones that other parents don’t have to deal with. Many times it is the parent that suffers more than the child as they struggle to reconcile their dreams for their child with the struggles of everyday life. Amazingly, children have a way of taking even the most difficult, frustrating situations in stride. The best thing you can do for your child is what you are already doing, being proud of each accomplishment, celebrating what is unique about your child, and continuing to find and celebrate each wonderful gift.
The following is a real life example of how a woman effectively put one of my stress relief techniques to use I am sure this story will resonate with all parents. (I’ll call her Mary ) Mary’s son had recently lost part of his hand in a fireworks accident. As she watched him struggling to tie his shoe with one hand, she found herself spinning into a devastating, disabling worry cycle.
As she watched him sadness completely overtook her. She felt depressed and overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation.
She had worked with me years before and had successfully gotten rid of panic in driving. She reached out to me because she didn’t see how the skills we had used when she was dealing with panic could be used in this situation.
We began with going deeper to identify the her thoughts as she watched her son struggle. In the images she created (her imagination), she was moving from the fact of the present moment, to a whole range worries about her son’s future: Some of the thoughts that were running were:
Will he be able to function in a job?
Will he be accepted?
Will this accident change his cheerful personality?
She also found herself remembering traumas from the past months —remembering how other people had looked at him in the emergency room. She also remember how she had surprised herself with her ability to remain calm and take control of what needed to be done in the aftermath of the accident. But now as she watched him it was also triggering memories of children being mean to her. Memories of how she’d been teased as a child and these were adding to the worry about her son. She feared it would be so much worse for him.
Fortunately, before she allowed this cycle of worry to overtake her, she remembered the “2 for 1” exercise. She started with the facts of the present event. Her son was struggling to tie his shoe. She then wrote down all the negative thoughts that were passing through her mind, and replaced them with positive ones. She thought about the things he did well, his keen mind, his energy, his goofy sense of humor, she imagined him playing with his friends, thought about jobs in which he could be successful, even imagined him graduating from college and getting married.
And as she did so the cycle of worry stopped, she noticed something that surprised her: the proud smile on her son’s face as he bounded up to her, his sneakers tied in a perfect knot.
It was then that she realized, at this moment, it wasn’t her son who was struggling. It was her.
Remember she had learned many skills, and in this situation it seemed so quick because she was able to build on her skills using a combination of advanced hypnotic, NLP and time-line techniques, As a result she was able to change this emotional part of the cycle: the “stained glass” window of worry that was obscuring her perception. Then she was able to release the deep-rooted emotions and adjusting the old thought patterns that were fueling her worry.