Why do we Worry?
Quick Tips for Worry Relief
The following are some questions that people have sent me.
Question 1.
Are some people more prone to worrying than others?
Answer: Yes, it is true that some people are more prone to worrying than others. And, there are many reasons for this. An event or situation that hardly creates a ripple in one person’s life can create complete overwhelm for another.
The reason that people react differently is because of the repressed emotions and beliefs that are formed in childhood. These beliefs become the filters for perceptions and the way the events are interpreted.
Our past experiences will influence how we interpret and react to present day events. If you have learned that the world is a safe place, or that you have power to create what you want, then the past will effect you in a positive way.
But, for most of people the past also contains events where we felt powerless to speak out or to change what was happening.
When a person reacts with worry,
it is not just the present day situation they are reacting to.
It is actually an entire chain of events and emotions brought from the past reactions into the present day event. This chain goes all the way back to childhood events.
In childhood you formed beliefs about yourself. These beliefs continue to run us in adulthood. For example some children grow up to believe they are good at things, others might believe that they are not capable. Guess which belief will cause more worry.
As a child you have developed patterns and coping techniques that helped you to deal with stress. Many of the patterns and beliefs served a positive purpose at the time they were formed, but when they are limiting you in the present they are no longer serving the purpose.
Worry is a learned response.
I had a client who had a belief that was causing her a lot of distress. She truly believed that if she didn’t worry something bad would happen. I had another client who believed that worry is the way she showed love. Each person had many experiences in childhood where it wasn’t safe to just be a child. Therefore each of these people learned that running every possible negative consequence of any action would help to be safe.
She learned that worry protected her, so that even as an adult, she still found herself consumed with worry. The circumstances had changed, but the thought pattern hadn’t. But, instead of protecting her from harm, worry was actually disabling her and getting in the way of her living her life to the fullest.
Fortunately, it is possible to adjust the thought patterns and beliefs. When we open the doorway to the unconscious mind, it is now possible to change the programs that cause unnecessary worry. My clients have changed old programs and thought patterns at the root from which they spring.
You can learn to use these tools too. To see some of the tools I use: NINE STEP SOLUTION FOR ANXIETY
Question 2.
Is worrying ever a good thing?
Sometimes worry is a fleeting feeling of concern. This is a natural part of living and relationships.
Let’s look at the positive purpose of worry. Despite all the negative feelings attached to it, worry can serve a positive function when it prepares you for possible future difficulties. It can alert you to things that need to be taken care of, or of consequences of certain actions. Worry can keep you watchful for symptoms that indicate a possible life-threatening problem, or it can motivate you to take positive action to improve the quality of your life.
However, once you have done everything in your power to anticipate and prepare for possible future problems, worry ceases to serve a positive function. When your thoughts cycle into negative and scary future possibilities about things that are outside of your control, it is time to learn techniques to stop worry from creating these problematic thoughts.
Question 3.
Got any simple techniques for stopping worry in its tracks?
There are many different techniques that can be used to stop worry and the stress that creates. Choosing the most effective one depends on which part of the stress cycle you are in: the cognitive, the physical, the emotional.
The reason we create negative, scary thoughts.
Your past experiences will determine how you filter information and also will determines how you interpret events.
- Cognitive part of the stress relief program:
Many times the cycle of worry begins with the thoughts we have. For these we have technique to change negative thoughts to positive ones. - The emotional part of the stress relief program:
Use hypnotic techniques to get to the underlying feelings that anchor our perceptions.
To better understand this, think about looking at an event that is happening, as if, you were looking through a stained glass window.
The direction in which you fix your gaze will determine the color of the stained glass that you are seeing the event through. Where you look will determine how you see the event. This in turn will shape your thoughts about what you are seeing.
- The physical part of the stress relief program:
Is like the window itself. It is the specific entire window of the stained glass colors that affects everything you see. Using the physical would involve changing the window itself.
The feeling of worry does not come from the event itself. It comes from the stories we tell ourselves about the event: Both stories about scary possibilities we imagine for the future, and stories about traumatic experiences we remember from the past.
Breaking The Cycle
If you want to break the stress cycle and stop negative thoughts, there is an excellent exercise called the “2 for 1″ technique. It draws upon the same powerful imagination that you use to create negative stories but instead you use it to create positive thoughts instead.
This technique gives you a potent way of consciously transforming negative thoughts into positive ones. By practicing it consistently, you begin to change the thought cycles that are causing your worry, and you are also adjusting the unconscious assumptions that keep the cycles alive.
Next time you find yourself spinning into a worry cycle, start by paying attention to the thoughts and stories that are going through your mind, and then do the following:
TWO FOR ONE EXERCISE:
Step 1: Write down the facts of the event. What is actually happening right now in the present moment?
Step 2: Make a list of each thought, picture or story that is triggered by this event. Stay in a curious state, letting all the negative thoughts come to the surface. These may be fears that you have for the future, or past traumatic experiences that this event brings back to you. As you write down these thoughts you will start to realize that no matter how much you might believe the thoughts to be true, they are still just one possible way things might happen.
Once you have a list of the negative thoughts,
stories and pictures you are ready for the next step.
Step 3: Cross out the first negative thought you have written down, and write down two possible positive thoughts or possible positive outcomes in its place. Repeat this for each negative thought on the list, until all your negative thoughts are crossed out and replaced by positive ones.
Practice changes the cycle
Most of us are far more used to telling ourselves negative stories than positive ones. So it may feel a little strange at first to accept these positive thoughts as readily as you did the negative ones. So at first the “2 for 1” technique may take some conscious effort. With practice, you will find that the positive thoughts start to pop up on their own, just as the negative ones once did. By harnessing the power of the same powerful imagination that created the negative stories, you can create a whole range of positive possibilities, which replace the cycle of worry with one of hope and potential.
Question 4.
Are there any real life success stories using these techniques?
Here’s an example of a woman I worked with who effectively put one of my stress relief techniques to use:
I am sure this story will resonate with all parents. Her son had recently lost part of his hand in a fireworks accident, and as she watched him struggling to tie his shoe with one hand, she found herself spinning into a terrible worry cycle.
In her imagination, she was moving from the facts of the present moment, to a whole range of terrible thoughts and worries for the future: Will he be able to function in a job? Will he be accepted? Will this accident change his cheerful personality? She also found herself remembering traumas from the past—remembering how other people had looked at him in the emergency room, and even thinking about how she’d been teased as a child and worrying that it would be even worse for him.
Fortunately, before she allowed this cycle of worry to overtake her, she remembered the “2 for 1” Exercise. She started with the facts of the present event. Her son was struggling to tie his shoe. She then wrote down all the negative thoughts that were passing through her mind, and replaced them with positive ones. She thought about the things he did well, his keen mind, his energy, his goofy sense of humor, she imagined him playing with his friends, thought about jobs in which he could be successful, even imagined him graduating from college and getting married.
And as she did so the cycle of worry stopped, she noticed something that surprised her: the proud smile on her son’s face as he bounded up to her, his sneakers tied in a perfect knot.
It was then that she realized, at this moment, it wasn’t her son who was struggling. It was her.
We built on her skills using a combination of advanced hypnotic, NLP and time-line techniques, all contained in the Transformation System. As a result she was able to change this emotional part of the cycle: the “stained glass” window of worry that was obscuring her perception. Then she was able to release the deep-rooted emotions and adjusting the old thought patterns that were fueling her worry.
Question 5.
What if I really believe that the thoughts I have might come true in the future, is there anything I can do about that?
Both the positive and negative thoughts you create about possible future events are fictional. The problem with negative thoughts and pictures you create, in your mind, is that even though they possibly will never happen, the unconscious mind nevertheless accepts them as if they are true. And you react with fear in the present moment to something that hasn’t even happened.
In just the same way, when you create positive thoughts, the unconscious mind also accepts them as true, creating a reaction that opens you to the positive possibilities.
Positive and negative thoughts both spring from the same place: your imagination. They are simply stories. You have the power of your own mind. So as long as you make up stories, you might as well choose ones that can serve you in a positive way.
Question 6.
What’s your best piece of advice for parents of children with special needs?
Parents of special needs children have many stressors that never even enter the minds of other parents. In fact, many times it is the parent that suffers more than the child, as they struggle to reconcile their dreams for their child with the struggles of everyday life. Amazingly, children have a way of taking even the most difficult, frustrating situations in stride. The best thing you can do for your child is what you are already doing: being proud of each accomplishment, celebrating what is unique about your child, and continuing to find and celebrate each wonderful gift.
There are many tools available to learn and use to get you on the path to changing your life.
The First Step is practicing the Mind Calming video Guide, It’s free and very effective in creating a state of calm.
Try it out by signing up here: Get Your Free Mind Calming Video Guide