Today I’ll be giving more answers to the people looking for help with anger, abuse, old hurts and fears.
The questions will appear below with short answers woven into each case. Even the deepest most upsetting, traumatic memories can be healed. Reactions like anger and rage can be changed. When we change the “response” at the root or “programming” level you won’t have to work so hard on the “conscious level.” It’s almost like the calming response becomes automatic, allowing you react in the way you want.
Old angers, hurts, fears, or trauma do not have to control your life.
Here is a reminder of the questions: The first question is from a person who is in anguish because of abuse suffered as a child. The second question is about anger that continues to fester long after an upsetting event, and is seeping into other areas of life. The third question deals with guilt after reacting with rage to a seemingly small frustration. And the fourth question is about a belief that is causing resentment towards family and friends.
In the last few posts we talked a lot about the issue of “shaking the memories of abuse”. If you have more questions about abuse, or trauma, please send them to Audrey by clicking here.
Today we’ll be discussing the next issue about old anger seeping into daily activities:
Question: “I had a very bad experience at work. I’m still angry, but the worst part of it is that it is affecting how I interact with others. I find myself expecting the worst. As I experience the memory replaying in my mind I get into a bad “mood” and react horribly to others. I even know that I only hurt myself by keeping this anger inside. Try as I might, so far, I haven’t been able to let the anger go. Please let me know if there is a way I can go back to being the loving, trusting person I used to be”.
Answer by Audrey: Replaying a “negative” or upsetting experience may be a persons way of trying to resolve the problem. Unfortunately, when the memories continue to re-stimulate anger, it stops being a useful way to discharge upset. In the example above, the anger is seeping into other areas of the persons life.
Changing the intensity of anger.
1. This tip/exercise can be used right away to take the “charge” out of the old hurtful memory.
2. The bonus of using the “distance” NLP technique is that if you need to talk to the person who caused the upset, it will be easier after the intensity of the anger decreases.
3. It might turn out that without the intensity of anger you decide that since you are feeling better it’s not important for you to talk to the person. (Especially as in this case you no longer work with that person).
4. To completely stop the replaying of anger it might be necessary to do deeper work on the unconscious level. If that is the case, you can still use the technique to gain a bit of distance. In this way you won’t feel so drawn into the event again and again.
5. Remember automatic reactions are set up in the programming in the unconscious mind.
6. They are caused from life experiences, hurts and unresolved trauma.
7. For a permanent change in reactions you don’t like, it might be necessary to go to the root of the event.
8. When the root event is healed it is then possible to release the emotions all the way to the present.
9. This doesn’t mean that you forget the event, it just means it doesn’t cause continued distress.
Creating a new perspective using sub-modality of “distance.”
Instructions to start to change the feeling of anger
Step 1:
START BY: Thinking about an upsetting memory.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Please pick something that is very minor upset for your first use of this technique.
Step 2: Floating “above” the event
a. Imagine that you are floating above the “upsetting memory/event.”
b. Simply imagine / pretend that you are a bird or butterfly, or imagine that you are floating what high up above the event, on a soft fluffy cloud. Pretending or imagining is all that is necessary to “float” way above the “event” that caused the anger.
c. As you are “floating” way up above the event, look down at the event.
d. How does being what high up above change the feelings?
e. Notice not only the feeling as you are “far away” from the event, but also any other changes.
f. Here are some other sub-modalities you can use. Just notice what changes as you “play” with the different submodalities.
1. Make the memory small or unfocused.
2. If it is a moving picture you are looking at, make it a snap shot.
3. If it was in color turn it to black and white or sepia tone.
4. We’ll talk more about sub-modalities and the effect on memories, when I post on more NLP techniques.
g. For most people a slight change in one or more of the above sub-modalities (1 – 4) changes the feeling.
h. If the event is a major upset, more will need to be done – to release the emotional charge
Notes:
1. This is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique that is called “changing sub-modalities.”
2. Sub-modalities are the “pieces” that make up a picture, and there are dozens of sub-modalities that can be changed.
3. For this exercise, we started with one small sub-modality shift: Distance, then we added others.
4. Many people find that just changing the ‘distance’ sub-modality creates almost instant relief.
5. The shifting of sub-modalities can be used for anger as well as other emotions.
6. Remember: If you need more help please call to schedule a private session with one of our hypno-therapists. They know what to do if deeper work is needed.
7. And, although the technique works for changing the feelings, if reactions continue to arise, it might be useful to seek out a hypno-therapist to help you change the pattern/programming that causes the unwanted anger reactions.
More to come in the next post