The members of our Single Introvert Group came up with some wonderful questions and we created some tips on ways to stop the fear and worry that gets in the way of being your true self in social situations.
Start with a simple change in your breathing pattern.
Experiment with this new breathing pattern and notice a calming effect.
1. Inhale for a 4-seconds
2. Hold Your Breath for 7-seconds
3. Release your breath (exhale) for a count of about 8-seconds
Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3 for about a minute and notice what happens.
For even deeper results download the Mind Calming Video Guide.
Tips for getting free from social anxiety.
As a hypnotherapist my passion is to help people with social anxiety to feel totally confident in social situations. What I have found is that to change unwanted patterns we need to make changes on three different levels. The thoughts (cognitive level), the body (physical level) and the emotions. And there are many different tools that can be used for each level.
When you use the three part method the ultimate result is total freedom from anxiety, worry and fear in social situations.
Part 1. Cognitive types of tools that change the thoughts that create fear. On this level we start by identify the thoughts that are running in the background of the mind. Once you ID the thoughts you can begin to change them. In the tips section at the end of this article we came up with some conversation starters (conscious mind level type of tools) that you can experiment with.
Part 2. Physical tools that change the way the body responds so you can feel calm and confident in social situations. On this level we start simply with noticing where in the body you hold the emotions such as fear, tension, or worry. Once you know where in your body you feel each specific emotion you can then use tools to release the feelings. Remember to use the breathing pattern (physical level tool) as the foundation to going from anxiety to calm.
Part 3. Emotional release tools use hypnosis and light trance to get to the deepest level where the emotional triggers that cause fear, worry, self-doubt and limiting beliefs are stored. On this level we can get in touch with and heal the subconscious beliefs that are triggering the fear reactions. This is the most magical level to work on because when you clear out and release old emotional blocks your thoughts and bodily responses change automatically to calm and self-confidence.
The following are answers to questions workshop participants had.
Tips for ease in communication:
We start with conscious mind techniques so you have real tips that work even before you change on the deepest level.
a. What to say when meeting new people?
b. How do I get a conversation started in new situations?
Answers:
It helps to think of a conversation in this way, it’s like having a game of tossing a baseball from you to another. When you think of communication in this way it becomes easier to know what to do, you want to continue tossing the baseball back and forth.
a. You start with throwing (the ball) using a question. (tips below)
b. The other (catches the ball) and answers the question.
c. Then a good conversationalist tosses (the ball back) with the another question.
d. Make sure to keep the ball going by answering and then opening up the next question. This builds and holds rapport
Being A Good Listener:
Listen Carefully to what the other is saying, it will give you clues of what to talk about next. Once you have a conversation started you can invite the person you are talking with to move with you to talk to another person at the event. It is easier to move through the crowd with the person you just met and feel comfortable with, gives you a base of comfort.
Tips for Breaking The Ice.
It’s also important to know that communication has three parts. The reason for this is that sometimes we create fear and worry trying to have a deep conversation before we set the stage with the easy opening statements and questions.
1. Beginning stage of conversation – light chatter (see tips below)
2. Moving on to middle a bit deeper conversation starters
3. And then the most fun part creating deeper connections, really getting to know someone and letting them know you. Sometimes it’s needed to clear out the emotional limits before you are willing to let someone know you. That is normal, most people fear rejection, yet imagine if you were totally confident in your wonderful inner self. How much easier it would be to get to know other and let them know you.
Easy tips for meeting new people:
a. Look for someone standing alone, and if they look even more nervous than you they will be so relieve to have you talk to them.
b. You might want to experiment with the following questions and statements to get the conversation started.
a. Talk about Location:
For example: This is my first time here at (location and / or group) have you been here before?
b. Ask a basic question that relates to the venue:
Do you know this band, have you heard them before?
Talk about the group: Have you been to this group before?
How to Continue a Conversation
Remember communication is like tossing a baseball. You start with throwing the first question. The other (catches the ball) and answers and then tosses back the ball with the next question. Make sure to keep the ball going by answering and then opening up the next question.
The Eye Movement Triangle:
Do you ever have trouble looking at some in the eyes? Then experiment with this really useful tip:
Two ways to look like you are looking into the other persons eyes, without actually looking at the eyes. You can either:
1. Look (between the other’s eyes) at the bridge of their nose.
2. Or keep you eyes moving slowly in a triangle.
Your eyes move from the left side of the face (near the ear) over to the right side of the face, then gently look down to the chin. Repeat back to the starting point on the left side of the other’s face.
Tip: What to do when you want to move on?
As you know feeling trapped into talking with someone creates tension, so it’s important to learn different ways to gently get away and move on to someone else. Remember you do not have to continue speaking with anyone. When you are ready to move on (for what ever reason) , there are gentle things you can say:
Examples you can say:
I’ll catch you later
I want to chat with a friend.
This was enjoyable but I promised (Mary, Tom, Clara etc ) that I would check in with them.
I’ll talk to you later.
Start with a really small goal.
If going out to an event is a struggle start with a really small goal to help you feel successful. Instead of going to meet your soulmate go with a much smaller goal. Getting to know something new about some one. Or if that is too big, you might want to use the goal that worked for one of my clients who used to have a severe social phobia.
Set you goal to say hi to 3 people at the event. Just the simple hello, no other conversation needed, when you do this you win. This way no matter how the event turns out you can be proud for completing the goal of saying a quick hello to 3 people.
One of my clients experimented with this after we cleared out a trauma from his past. He surprised himself when he realized he not only said a quick hello to three people, he had actually talked to almost everyone at the event, and even introduced a few people to each other. And the best part it seemed to just happen naturally for him, without any effort. Remember he had been working at changing on the deepest core level and it happened in steps for him. Yet, when the change became automatic it was like he was a different person. I’d love you to amaze yourself when h socialization becomes a joy and easy to do.
For a free consultation to discuss you specific situation click here.
Anxiety is Not Your Fault! It is due to negative programs that are running in the background of the mind. Anxiety & Fear comes From Reactions and Triggers From Older, Negative, Bad Memories and Old Programs that trigger the mind at an unconscious Level.
Secret # 1: Different Emotions will Effect Different Parts of The Body.
Secret # 2: Past vs. Future Events: Be Aware of Your Thoughts about The Past. Past events can often be related to Bad Memories.
What If thoughts are typically future related – and usually create anxiety.
The MP3 from our coaching call:
3 Steps to Connect with Ease: Even if you’re Anxious in Social Situations, is available at the link below