This email came in from one of my students in my group program: Getting relief from anxiety, worry and procrastination.
As I replied to her I thought I would post my answer and see what my readers thoughts are on this topic.
It was interesting to me that the key to her procrastination might lie in the information she gives about her feelings. As you read her questions, see if you can hear what might be going on for her. Perhaps it isn’t a lack of motivation. Look for my response to see how I re-framed this problem for her. Do you agree with my advice, do you think you would give different advice. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
Question from Coaching Student:
I would like to be more clear about my concerns of lack of motivation. Something as simple as going to get just a glass of water, and I’ll procrastinate to get it. I know what my feelings are because I’m aware of my thoughts.
Lately I’ve been feeling sad because nobody really looks out for me, they don’t include me in their world. Audrey, what can I do to reverse feeling so lonely and alone? And I feel so bad that I would like to take my children out, but I feel lack of self-confidence to do that because of the worry about anxiety and panic.
I’m working on doing what you asked and looking for what is going on underneath, so I can discover what am I telling myself that’s creating the negative feelings. I feel like I’m at a stand still.
I’m also starting to feel jaded.
Audrey’s Answer:
Dear _______, we will certainly work on these issues in-group in 2 weeks. Until then I have a few thoughts that you might want to play with. Actually you are doing a great job of listening to your thoughts that are creating the feelings you are having. Identifying thoughts is the first step, and identifying feelings is the second step. So you’ve already done a great job with this. Next we want to look a bit deeper.
Thoughts you Identified:
1. No one looks out for me.
2. They don’t include me in their world.
I call these thoughts ‘stories’ – because they might or might not actually be true. No matter how true they feel to you at this moment.
Yes, those thoughts would make anyone sad. I know it feels like that to you at this time. It might be interesting to you that the others you are thinking about might just have a different point of view or reason for doing what they do or don’t do.
We’ll talk more about mind reading what others are thinking. For now I want you to know that thoughts or stories we create can either enhance or pull us down in our next session. And I’ll give you the step-by-step directions for changing the thoughts and stories that create hurt and despair. There are other possible stories that you can create that would feel much better and are better for your well being. My response is just a quick glimpse of what is to come in our group coaching in a few weeks. So for now you can just think about and be curious about what I am saying about stories.
Here is something you can do right now, this very day: I want to ask you to do this little experiment. Let’s use the getting a glass of water issue that you label lack of motivation and procrastination. Instead of thinking or telling yourself that you lack motivation when you don’t even want to get the glass of water instead:
1. Close your eyes
2. Take 3 deep breaths.
3. And ask these 2 questions
– What am I feeling?
– What is going on that I won’t go get a glass of water?
4. Do your best not to analyze it.
5. This is very different than the “why” question. Remember how we talked about the ‘why’ question – giving you only blame and conscious mind answers.
6. So be curious and use the questions: What is going on? What am I feeling? To get to the underlying emotions and reasons. You’ll find it will be very different than the lack of motivation or procrastination you have labeled it.
7. In the next group session we will also be working on creating filters that will automatically filter out harmful thoughts that make you feel blocked. For now just experiment with the quick tips above.
Are procrastinating having anxiety or panic
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